Slender: The Arrival.

This is not a game. This is a collection of random events and retries until the RNG gives you a lucky draw and you win. It's not even on a par with games like Dragon's Lair or Another World - games that can best be described as repetitious checkpoint grinders that you simply repeat until you work out what to do. In Slender: The Arrival you literally can't work out what to do. Because it's random.

The maps are random. The items you need to collect to progress the story are random. The enemy encounters are random. Let's take level 2 as a mild example:

You're placed in a random park, randomly. There are 10 locations, all of which are placed randomly in the random park. There are 8 collectibles, all of which are placed randomly inside a random 8 of those 10 random locations within your random park. As you're randomly walking around, Slenderman will randomly appear near you, randomly blocking off the random path you were intending to randomly take. If you try and get past him, he will kill you. So instead, you must turn in some random direction - it's pointless retracing your random steps as you've already collected everything that was randomly placed in the random locations you've already randomly been to - and hope you randomly stumble across some other random location in the hope there's a random collectible randomly placed inside it.

Now let's look at level 3:

You're placed in a non-random building complex. There are 50-odd rooms or corridors, none of which are placed randomly for a change. An improvement right? There are 6 items to interact with, 5 of which are placed at random inside one of those 50 rooms or corridors. As you're randomly walking around, Slenderman will randomly appear near you, randomly blocking off the random path you were intending to randomly take. If you try and get past him, he will kill you. So instead, you must turn in some random direction - it's pointless retracing your random steps as you've already interacted with everything that was randomly placed in the non-random locations you've already randomly been to - and hope you randomly stumble across some other path in the hope there's a random interactable randomly placed inside one of the dozens of rooms in that direction instead.

Sounds fun, right?

Also, Joey Jordison from Slipknot is randomly chasing after you while you look for these random things to interact with. You can't stop him. If you're lucky enough that he's randomly spawned in front of you, you can temporarily freeze him and run away. Though there isn't too much point, as he'll probably catch you anyway because he runs faster than you.



If he catches you three times, you die. (four on easy, fuck knows how many times on Hardcore - he probably randomly starts inside your clothes and you have to randomly choose a random item of clothing to randomly take off in the hope that he randomly falls out and you can run 10 steps before he kills you). If you die, you have to start the entire level again.

So overall, I award it 1 random English Muffin, randomly selected by randomly searching for "random" in Google, out of 5:



Conclusion: Stay the fuck away from it.

yeah all well and good, but did you like it lolz?

rep for the slating....my type of review that

Lol. Good work. Enjoyed that read.