Skyrim Official Game Guide

Worth £25

I'm prepared to let one of you guys win this

Tell me your best valentines ever story and the best one wins

Simples - doesn't have to be romantic, just an honest recollection of a fab day or night

Cool, I would really love to win this!

Right, back in about 1999 I was in malaysia playing a wheelchair tennis tournament on my way home from the tour down under.

It was the first and last (as it later turned out) event in the country and I wanted too make the most of it and take in the sites

Well it was valentines week so I wanted to have a good time.
I was sharing a room with my doubles partner Paul a great guy from New Zealand.

Anyway when valentines night came around I had already lost in the tournament and decided too hit the town with the lads.
Some rich dude who I practiced with back in England had arranged for his dads company too chauffeur me round while I was there as they had offices there.
The dude met me from the airport and the poor soul had too follow me round all week and even watched all my matches.
I called him tick tock because I could not pronounce his name properly and I am sure he loved my constant shouts of "What time is it boyyyyyyy!" all the time.

oops bit of a tangent, right so tick tock shows up about 8pm and me, paul and 2 other guys try and convince him that of course he can get 4 guys and 4 wheelchairs into the Merc without scratching the paintwork! well about 40 mins later we had finally all squeezed in with frames and wheels on our laps and a bungie cord holding the boot lid down! Turns out tick tock was right and we did not getting close too being scratch free
But flump it we all got in and the night was on!

We had a bet about who could get laid as it was valentines night.
I thought I had a good chance of taking the money as the other boys were pretty hammered even when we were leaving the hotel.

We had too get a photo action shot of the dirty deed too prove it and claim the cash.

Well once we hit the town with tick tock as our guide, we slowly began too get more and more hammered.

We were singing obscene songs and dancing round like loonies with the locals in dodgy side streets.

There was eve one stage were I was trying too set a world record for jumping over 5 hookers in one leap off this table top in my chair, but the bar owner got angry when I started pulling the legs off one end of the table too try and make a good ramp

Once we had been in about 5 bars and were in club we remembered the bet again, but we were abit too drunk too make much sense too the locals by this point.
I was also trying too scupper my mates chances by either quietly telling any girls they were a gay couple or by grabbing the girls crutches and then telling my mates I felt veg and they must be a ladyboy.

I am not proud of my performance and this kinda thing is why I don't drink anymore, I was a nightmare!

Anyway I managed too lose my mates somehow and only had the tee-total tick tock in toe by now.
He wanted too take me back too the hotel but I insisted on saying that I could smell the green and that $200 were surely going to be mine if I could just pull a doris.

Luckily I bumped into this hot chick who was waiting for a cab outside a club at about 4am and I managed too convince her that I was a millionaire from England and tick tock was my butler/driver!!!

So off we go getting driven back too the hotel in the back of the merc with me sticking my hand up her kilt too check there was no sausage action

Once back in the room we raided the mini bar and necked more of the strong stuff, i popped a V (just in case as I had drunk a fair bit) and so the action began.
At one point when she was bouncing on me cowgirl style I got a slap round the head as I was trying too wake paul up too get him too film it.
It was a legendary performance even if I do say so myself, I was possessed and whisky fueled and I was being as loud as possible because I wanted too wake Paul up so he could confirm the deed.

The pissed bastard was so hammered that he slept right through the whole event and even had the cheek to suggest I must have dreamt it in the morning.
It was only when I had too go all CSI on the room and pull little vodka bottles with lipstick on them from the bin and long dark hairs I found in my boxer shorts that he finally said he believed me.

I never did get the cash as the others said no pic, no proof.

In the years since I have often ribbed Paul for snoring his way through the most sordid, noisy and dirty sex session I have ever had.

In wonder if that bird (ying yang I called her) still remembers her night with an English millionaire???

Either way its the best valentines night I have ever had.

Ahhh the memories and the mammaries come to think about it

I really should not hit send now, DOH

HOLY crap give Kent the guide... i gave up reading that essay!!!!! Hell, the length of time it took to write that, i could have worked to buy you a new Skyrim guide and sent it to you!

So, Kent has the romance angle covered.

Here's my submission:

I bought Bunny a fluffy penguin called Waddles last year and she's slept with it every night since.

Lol Kent wins... nothing can top that!

my miss wanted flowers so i bought here some seeds and a plant pot...

Kent that is one of the best stories I have ever heard

Lmao. Good story.

I have no Valentines stories as I don't do Valentines. I did once cook a shepards pie on vday and forgot to peel the spuds before mashing them which obviously resulted in terrible mash. But it wasn't specificly for vday, We just wanted shepards pie lmao.

I think Kents definatley going to win this one. Plus I already have the guide. I got stuck on a quest pretty much straight away in the game (turns out I needed to complete about 5 others before I could do this one! lol)

TreeMunky wrote:Kent that is one of the best stories I have ever heard

Cheers mate, I was nervous too post that.

Wait until you here about my 6 month tennis and shagging tour of the USA back in 1998, 27 scalps taken and two injuries too my genitals

Or there was my infamous auditions I held for a co-star too travel across america with me for an adult video diary. My mates still beg me too let them watch those video tapes too this day! Its amazing what people will do for the idea of some fame

I am a good guy now though and have the upmost respect for all women. Especially lovely friendly helpful scottish ladies

KENT HAMMER wrote:Cool, I would really love to win this!

Right, back in about 1999 I was in malaysia playing a wheelchair tennis tournament on my way home from the tour down under.

It was the first and last (as it later turned out) event in the country and I wanted too make the most of it and take in the sites

Well it was valentines week so I wanted to have a good time.
I was sharing a room with my doubles partner Paul a great guy from New Zealand.

Anyway when valentines night came around I had already lost in the tournament and decided too hit the town with the lads.
Some rich dude who I practiced with back in England had arranged for his dads company too chauffeur me round while I was there as they had offices there.
The dude met me from the airport and the poor soul had too follow me round all week and even watched all my matches.
I called him tick tock because I could not pronounce his name properly and I am sure he loved my constant shouts of "What time is it boyyyyyyy!" all the time.

oops bit of a tangent, right so tick tock shows up about 8pm and me, paul and 2 other guys try and convince him that of course he can get 4 guys and 4 wheelchairs into the Merc without scratching the paintwork! well about 40 mins later we had finally all squeezed in with frames and wheels on our laps and a bungie cord holding the boot lid down! Turns out tick tock was right and we did not getting close too being scratch free
But flump it we all got in and the night was on!

We had a bet about who could get laid as it was valentines night.
I thought I had a good chance of taking the money as the other boys were pretty hammered even when we were leaving the hotel.

We had too get a photo action shot of the dirty deed too prove it and claim the cash.

Well once we hit the town with tick tock as our guide, we slowly began too get more and more hammered.

We were singing obscene songs and dancing round like loonies with the locals in dodgy side streets.

There was eve one stage were I was trying too set a world record for jumping over 5 hookers in one leap off this table top in my chair, but the bar owner got angry when I started pulling the legs off one end of the table too try and make a good ramp

Once we had been in about 5 bars and were in club we remembered the bet again, but we were abit too drunk too make much sense too the locals by this point.
I was also trying too scupper my mates chances by either quietly telling any girls they were a gay couple or by grabbing the girls crutches and then telling my mates I felt veg and they must be a ladyboy.

I am not proud of my performance and this kinda thing is why I don't drink anymore, I was a nightmare!

Anyway I managed too lose my mates somehow and only had the tee-total tick tock in toe by now.
He wanted too take me back too the hotel but I insisted on saying that I could smell the green and that $200 were surely going to be mine if I could just pull a doris.

Luckily I bumped into this hot chick who was waiting for a cab outside a club at about 4am and I managed too convince her that I was a millionaire from England and tick tock was my butler/driver!!!

So off we go getting driven back too the hotel in the back of the merc with me sticking my hand up her kilt too check there was no sausage action

Once back in the room we raided the mini bar and necked more of the strong stuff, i popped a V (just in case as I had drunk a fair bit) and so the action began.
At one point when she was bouncing on me cowgirl style I got a slap round the head as I was trying too wake paul up too get him too film it.
It was a legendary performance even if I do say so myself, I was possessed and whisky fueled and I was being as loud as possible because I wanted too wake Paul up so he could confirm the deed.

The pissed bastard was so hammered that he slept right through the whole event and even had the cheek to suggest I must have dreamt it in the morning.
It was only when I had too go all CSI on the room and pull little vodka bottles with lipstick on them from the bin and long dark hairs I found in my boxer shorts that he finally said he believed me.

I never did get the cash as the others said no pic, no proof.

In the years since I have often ribbed Paul for snoring his way through the most sordid, noisy and dirty sex session I have ever had.

In wonder if that bird (ying yang I called her) still remembers her night with an English millionaire???

Either way its the best valentines night I have ever had.

Ahhh the memories and the mammaries come to think about it

I really should not hit send now, DOH

Who says romance is dead?

I am going to let this run until 14th - hopefully we will get some more cracking stories before then

Good comp Loopy! I certainly can't beat that story Kent!!

P.S. Don't encourage him Treemunky!!! We'll never hear the end of these tales now!!

bought the wife 5 scratch cards and a bag of chip s on vday many moons ago

loving kents story

and yeah treemunky kent has done allsorts

just to make this thread even better mikey has come up with a corker

Haha that's brilliant, don't think my story could beat that.

Don't think I'm allowed to enter comps yet anyhow.

I've never done a great deal for Valentine's day. I remember going to London once and having a trip on the London Eye before going to the Saatchi gallery. The most memorable moment was waltzing outside St. Paul's cathedral as it seemed like a funky thing to do.

This year I'm being taken to bingo for a valentines meal, I think that's got to be one huge sacrifice for any guy putting up with that!!

Andyhadpie247 wrote:Haha that's brilliant, don't think my story could beat that.

Don't think I'm allowed to enter comps yet anyhow.

Unfortunately not but you could still share your story with us

Still a couple of hours for this too run, any other entries are most welcome

Whilst I enjoy a good story, I'd rather there be more than one entry for this, I'd like to run this to the end of the week on the off chance that someone else might enter and not succumb to what they think might be a fab entry, just so you know, I am female and Kents prize very well might be my copy of leisure suit larry

Hold on, so I spent ages typing an amusing response and I was the only real entry and I still don't win????

Bloody hell, I have given out 13 prize games in 2012 and still can't buy a win myself

I demand a stewards inquiry!

I think the stewards inquiry will rule 'no photos so didnt happen '

In all fairness if a magazine ran a competition and only 1 person entered, they'd have to give it to that 1 entry..

Similarly, When the competition for the 3rd birthday logo design happened, Tenlo won and he was the only one who entered.

I can see where Loopy is coming from though, that it would be good to see more entries and usually I'd agree, but based on other competitions that have happened I dont know if its right (or fair) to wait for more entries..?

Regardless, I think something will need to be written into the rules/regs of comps to avoid this kind of situation again as it *may* cause unneccesary tension or cliques etc...

Sorry if this seems like I'm taking sides, however I am not, I'm just thinking about what newbies would see if they come in

**Edit** in light of Dr Mambo's update, just forget what I said! hahahaha

I count 4 entries, Kent's, Tenlo's, Mikey's and mine. I saw no mention of word count for the 'story', so aren't they all valid?

DoctorMambo wrote:I count 4 entries, Kent's, Tenlo's, Mikey's and mine. I saw no mention of word count for the 'story', so aren't they all valid?

Dont forget Vypers.. lol

Stucowie wrote:

DoctorMambo wrote:I count 4 entries, Kent's, Tenlo's, Mikey's and mine. I saw no mention of word count for the 'story', so aren't they all valid?

Dont forget Vypers.. lol

My mistake, I missed that one. Make that 5 entries.